Jay Bilas: You, the fan, are the beneficiary of this intellectual achievement

Welcome to The Bilas Index, Vol. I, for the 2023-24 college basketball season. As everyone knows, while the masses in the press and general public stumble around in the dark wondering which teams and players are best, you will see the light, as illuminated by The Bilastrator.

The Bilas Index is the most reliable predictive measurement of team capability and the most trustworthy compilation of basketball accomplishment on this (or any) planet. The Bilas Index will tell you not only what the best teams have done, but what the best teams are capable of doing in the future. While recognized metrics are taken heavily into account because those metrics inform as to what a team or player has done, The Bilas Index is powered by the unimpeachable and unfailing basketball judgment of The Bilastrator’s gray matter, which consists of multiple quadrillions of neurons firing in the basketball context to explain the panorama of organic evolution of the game itself and those who play it.

The Bilastrator’s neurons — not to mention the somas and dendrites in each neuron — form the most powerful analytics computer in the universe that can explain and shatter preconceptions to become the greatest breakthrough of the boundaries of basketball knowledge and understanding. A basketball mind like The Bilastrator’s comes around once in a thousand years, and one can only wonder how great this game would truly be if The Bilastrator had some time around Dr. Naismith when he was inventing the game.

The true beneficiary of The Bilastrator’s lofty peak of basketball intellectual achievement is you, the fan. One can use The Bilas Index for greater understanding and enjoyment of the beautiful game, or one can use it to select teams and seed the NCAA tournament (and stop wasting time and money, NCAA selection committee), or one can use it to win office pools and take down casinos with such valuable and reliable data. If wagering with The Bilas Index, please use the information for good, not evil. At the very least, one should stop to contemplate just how fortunate we all are to live in an era when one of history’s greatest basketball minds, the priceless rarity that is The Bilastrator, shares his work with the masses.

The Bilastrator brings you The Bilas Index before a single game has been played, which is truly extraordinary and generous. As always, you’re welcome, planet Earth.

Preseason Bilas Index Rankings:

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